Monday, June 23, 2008

I Rule On Vacation

My Humans took me on a long trip to the... um, "Beach". In my search for the perfect place to eliminates, I had my choice of the Eastern Unitey States during the drive. Not bad. Wherever we stops, I eliminates. My scent be on de whole half o de nation. Schnauzers bow to me!

We stop at a hotel, and my humans think I sleep in da bed wit dem, but dat's where I use my keen Schnauzer Noize Skillz. I hears a noize, I barks. I hears humans outside talkin I barks. I hears a cricket burp, and I barks. I'm bouncin da bed I's barkin' so loud! Den my humans put me in my comfy kennel - I likes it in dere, but I's not an effective Noize-Maker dere. I make sure I gets some deep growlin' in - jus to be sure them crickets keeps dere ground.

When we gets to our desty-nation, my Humans drop me off at this big kennel-type place - At first, I was mad, and I barks loud. Den, I sees I'm in de company of some righteous doggies. First we runs around like crazy and no one stop us. Den, we goes to our room which has a "toddler bed" - methinks it's a bed for righteous doggies. I has a TV, I has my own toys. Rocks.

My humans pick me up on day 3 and take me to dis place what has a lot of sand and a huge freakin' pool that taste nasty - like salt. I din like it. Then, they take me to meet all dees people. They seem cool enough, but not for dis awesome Schnauzer. I got my Righteous Doggies waitin fo me.

When I returns to de "toddler bed" place, we get da party started again. But this time, I gots 3 other Schnauzers joinin me. Two hot ladies, and a righteous whitey Schnauz! I laid down de "wild" like Lassie laid down the goody-goody. Wasn't pretty, which made it awesome. We had a howlin contest and nobody could stop us. Then we raise cain in the pen, then on the floor, then in the yard, then all over! Barkin and howlin and clawin and bitin. One dog started yelling, "Tear up our beds! Tear up our beds!!! Now!!!" I toe up my bed till de springs was showin. Dere are many tings I regret. Dere are many tings I plan to do again - namely the tings I regret. Humans bow to me!

When my humans pick me up, I pretend to be sane. They did looks at me funny when de naive man handed dem a yellow paper (remember to tear up later). Dey know nothin.
Now we home, and everythin like normal. Sucks. So I makin a plan to escape and run to this "Beach". Dere, my Righteous Doggies wait for me. Next time, we gon desecrate the reputation of Lassie like never be-foe.

Lata, Human. Move along!